How to Train our Children to Build their Life on God’s Love
It’s been years since I lived in the everyday hustle and bustle of life with children in the home. I have moments when I can vividly recall what it is like. I remember the necessary energy required, the stress, and the joy one experiences when mini human beings dictate your days. However, my children are grown, and thankfully they adult well.
Paul’s Prayer in Ephesians Three
Earlier this year, during my quiet time I realized Paul’s prayer in Ephesians 3 reiterates my heart’s desire for my children. He prays for the believers in Ephesus to be “rooted and firmly established in [God’s] love.” He asks God to enable them to “comprehend…the length and width, height and depth of God’s love,” so that they will be “filled with all the fullness of God.”
Isn’t this what we all want for our children? As parents, God tasked us with teaching our children about how He loves. However, we hold the challenge to teach them beyond head knowledge. We must lead them toward an experiential knowledge of God’s love. We need to give them tools which enable them to dwell in God’s love for a lifetime.
Each Child is Unique
God gave us a tricky job because every child is different. Some children learn from reading, some from listening, and some from interacting with the knowledge. Of course, there are those children who demand to learn from trial and error. In addition, each child responds differently to each learning catalyst. Plus, each child hears and perceives the words we use in their own unique way. Add to this conundrum the fact that each child has his or her own individualistic way he or she needs to understand God’s love.
As my children become older, I ache for reassurance they know God in a deep way. I know they will experience trials and storms. I want to be confident they are safe and secure in God’s dramatic love and presence.
God’s Love as the Basis for Life
When our children, or any of us, chose God’s love as our firm foundation, we learn He is consistent, stable, unchanging, and available; the very presence we need to maintain peace and hope. We then form our beliefs, dreams, self-image, and confidence on the foundation that God loves us. In addition, we accept without hesitation that God always has our best in mine regardless of how life unfolds. God with His love is our safe space.
As I looked at Ephesians 3:14-21 more intently, I noticed a couple of thoughts that appeared contrary to my typical thoughts about life. Paul didn’t pray that the Ephesians behave correctly or do everything right. Nor did he pray for the Ephesians to be more fruitful or achieve more.
Paul was concerned about good behavior, fruitfulness, and maturity as a believer. He told the Colossians he was praying they would bear fruit in every good work g(Col 1:10). He listed for the Galatians the fruit they would exhibit when they obeyed the Holy Spirit and allowed Him complete control of their lives (Ga 5:22-23). Plus, he told the Philippians to live a life worthy of the gospel (Philippians 1:27). However, to the Ephesians, Paul emphasized the basis for the life we are to live.
Know God’s Love
“I pray that you, being rooted and firmly established in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the length and width, height and depth of God’s love, and to know Christ’s love that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.”
Ephesians 3:17b-19 (CSB)
The word know in verse 19 means more than head knowledge. For example, I know one needs avocados to make guacamole. This word is an experiential knowing, it’s personal, even intimate. For example, I know one only achieves good guacamole with a little lime, a little garlic, and a strong hand with the salt. When we know in this experiential way, we alter our behavior because we become convinced of our gained truth.
Building a Foundation on God’s Love
Paul provides four nuggets in his prayer that we can teach our children. As we train them, we help them in their journey toward grasping God’s love. We can build a foundation for our children so they life a life filled with the fullness of God.
All about Family
First of all, we must teach our children we are part of God’s family, and He is part of our family. In verse 14, Paul refers to God as Father. When you read verse 15 in the Amplified version, you learn the whole idea of family comes from God, and He is our first and ultimate Father.
Families do things together. They eat dinner together, take care of the yard and home together, they share bikes, and TV time, cars, bedrooms, and clothes, especially if you have sisters. Families go on vacations together and they cheer each other on as individuals compete in sports or play instruments or perform on stage. They try things another family member chooses from activities to restaurants. As parents we train our children to treat others kindly, be involved in each other’s lives, and to always stand in one another’s corner.
We mustn’t forget that since God is a part of our family, our kiddos must learn He is eating with us, working with us, and sharing in all our activities with us. He wants us to try things He likes to do. God is kind to us, and we must recognize what He is doing. He participates in our lives, and He is always in our corner.
Humility and God’s Sovereignty
Second, Paul tells us in verse 14 that he kneels before the Father. We must teach our children humility because God is holy. We have the arduous task of training our children to submit to God’s authority and to trust His love. However, children are clearly born with a will. Some of them come with a strongly expressive will.
When our children were little, we attended a parenting seminar. One of the ideas shared was training children to obey immediately. The child was to respond to a request or command with “Yes Mommy” or “Yes Daddy.” If the child dug in his heels, the parent remained calm and asked the child, “When Mommy asks you to do something what are you to say?”
The idea isn’t horrible; however, we are to instruct our children beyond rote responses. If we genuinely want them learn humility and God’s Sovereignty, we must engage in discussion. We need to talk about why we listen and obey, why we go to church, why we read the Bible, what the Bible stories tell us about God and how that helps our day to day lives.
We must make the time to hear their point of view, work within their level of understanding, and lead them to discover truth that makes sense to them. All parents experience moments, even with adult children, when we inform them of truth from our point of view that must be accepted. However, we must also be willing to listen and help them process their response to what we say.
God’s Spirit is our Strength
Third, we must teach our children reliance on God’s Spirit for strength. I often told my children they could accomplish something. I told them they were smart enough to finish their homework, skilled enough to try out for the team, and talented enough to play the solo well. Others could say I laid good groundwork to work hard, practice, and put forth one’s best effort. I would’ve served my children better if I had paused more often to pray with them when they were anxious or afraid, training them to rely on the Holy Spirit and not themselves.
Just as we are on a journey discovering God in our lives, so are our children. They often don’t know where to look, or how to begin. Our responsibility is to help our children discover the Spirit is real, and He offers inner fortitude, belief, and confidence that leads to a deeper grasp of His love.
God Chooses how He Strengthens
Finally, we must teach our children God gets to choose what resources He gives us. In verse 16, Paul tells us the Spirit will strengthen us in our inner being from His glorious riches. God has an abundant supply of anything and everything we could ever need. Sadly, we tend to come to God with our own idea of how we want Him to help. We want to choose the riches He provides. We have the opportunity to help our children learn to see how God provides even when it’s different than we would want.
God may not fix a circumstance but offers creative wisdom instead that enables one to see the circumstance differently. He may not enable our child to win or succeed but instead provides extra patience and confidence to endure ridicule or failure. God may not remove a contrary voice in our child’s life but form a gentle spirit within our child that listens instead of stubbornly demands. We have the privilege of teaching our children see how God is moving and blessing us with riches we didn’t know we needed.
Model Living in God’s Love
Educationally speaking there are four steps to learning something. Someone shows you how to do something. You help the person do the task. The teaching person helps you do the task. You do the task on your own. We must do more than just tell our children, or journey alongside them. We must also model the behaviors we want them to exhibit.
Our children need to see us include God as part of the family. They need to witness us kneeling before God, humbling ourselves under His Sovereignty. We must provide a visual of relying on God’s Spirit and allowing Him to choose how He will supply for our needs. We aren’t to overwhelm them or frighten them with providing too much information for their age or understanding. However, we must model trusting in God’s love, believing He is good, and that His Word provides wisdom.
As believers in God, He calls parents to do more than just raise good adults. He calls us to raise lovers of Jesus, the One who gives each of us, the best life ever.
