Learning to Live in the AND
I haven’t been writing much lately. I admit that life threw me some curveballs and I didn’t do well with catching them, hitting them or even sloppily juggling them. I dropped balls left and right as I scrambled to emotionally handle what was.
In July, my mother-in-law began her final journey home to Jesus. We left our camping trip early allowing my husband to get things lined up so he could leave to be with his mom. He left and I proceeded to cancel our up-coming vacation to the coast so that we could celebrate her life.
In late August, we received word that my mom was diagnosed with colon cancer. Though she was in her nineties, chemo was scheduled to help slow the cancer’s progression and hold off long-term pain. I spoke to my boss, received extended time off and flew to be with my mother the day before my husband’s birthday. I spent 7 weeks away from home caring for my mom while my husband fended for himself.
By the second round of chemo, side-effects began to happen to my mother and serious questions about her long-term care needed to be answered. My sister and I made the heart-wrenching decision to move my mom into an assisted living before my return home date. My brother came and helped with the packing as we all grieved the change in my mom’s life.
We moved my mom and I flew home. Three weeks later I was back on a plane hoping to see her one last time before she died. I didn’t make it. Whereas we were grateful my mom’s passing came without extended pain, facing the reality that she was truly gone has been hard.
God reminded me of truth found in the word “and.”
When we communicate and formulate sentences we often use the word ‘but,’ such as: I want to buy a new car but it would be too expensive. Using the word ‘but’ invalidates the first part of the sentence and creates a feeling that it is less significant than the second part of the sentence. Sometimes that is what we intend to say. Many times, both phrases hold equal weight, so the word ‘and’ should be used. The truth is two or more seemingly opposing things can be true at the same time. It may be that buying a new car is too expensive for me, and that doesn’t lessen my desire for a sweet shiny red convertible.
God reminded me of a variety of truths using the simple word “and.” I can be grief-stricken AND God is Yahweh Shalom. He is my peace. I may feel very alone AND God is Emmanuel. He is always with me. I may feel overwhelmed with the tasks I need to accomplish AND God is my provider and my strength. I may feel crushed from the weight of decisions to be made AND God is the God of all wisdom. I may feel guilt over choices that had to be AND God is the God of comfort.
My word for 2021 is the word AND. I am seeking to see the full truth of what I experience even in the day to day. I am choosing to see how God is showing up. I am determined to be truthful with myself about the good and the bad, the easy and the difficult. I am realizing that authentic life is found in the AND. It’s in the AND I’m discovering the truth of who God is as He meets me as I truly am. Twenty-twenty-one has not begun as a banner year AND God is already faithfully pouring out His love and grace into my life.
“Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory. We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.” Romans 5:1-5 NLT
