Clouded Peace
I was scrolling Instagram and came across a post by @jenschmidt_beautyandbedlam. She had posted a picture of one of those letter board signs that read “30 days hath September, April, June and November, all the rest have 31, except February alone. . . and January which has 79.” Oh man, that’s how I felt about January. It’s not like February is holding some magic that I just can’t wait to get into. January wasn’t overwhelming and awful. It just felt l – o – n – g. SO. VERY. LONG.
January was a 5 week month. I know that sounds odd, because it’s not like there were really 35 days in the month, or 79! January began on a Wednesday and it ended on a Friday. In my budgeting and scheduling, it works out to 5 weeks. Five trips to the grocery store. Five laundry event days. The month’s surplus funds had to be divided by five, not four. Sadly, there were still only 4 weekends in the month and not five..
The cloudy skies added to the feeling of the month just dragging us into the year once the initial hoopla was over. The clouds wouldn’t bother me so much if they came with large white flakes that made everything look soft and pretty for awhile. Nor would they bother me if flowers started popping from the ground, but flowers this early would just be nuts. I don’t mind still wearing my sweaters and boots. And I miss blue skies and sunshine. I’m not convinced February will be much different, but maybe… I found myself feeling “grumpy” with a lack of motivation. I just wanted to binge watch whatever and eat lots of popcorn. Cooking became a chore. Even coming up with new outfit ideas to wear, which normally counts as a “win!” in my book, didn’t feel like much fun. And I kept coming across the phrase, “the peace of God.” In particular, I kept reading and re-reading, through various sources and from different avenues, Colossians 3:15. “And let the peace of Christ, to which you were also called in one body, rule your hearts. And be thankful.” God’s peace is to rule in my heart. God’s peace is to be the governing force, the top of the food chain, the owner of the desk where the buck stops. God’s peace is to govern everything I do, every attitude I choose, every thought I dwell upon. God’s peace is to dictate how I perceive my days, my time, and my opportunities.
In the reality of my life, the struggle between January’s dragging days and God’s peace ruling, was almost tangible. I didn’t stormed through the house on a rampage. And I was short tempered with my husband. I didn’t curled up in my bed, hiding under the covers. And I avoided pushing for conversation and relationship. I didn’t stopped exercising or making healthy dinners. And I ate donuts regularly and sneaked too many peanut M&Ms. I didn’t slept in on Sunday mornings and I continued to have my morning quiet times. And I avoided writing, being disobedient to share what God revealed to me. I allowed God to speak and move. And yet I also held Him at a distance. Honest confession: I wanted God’s peace to look like what I would choose, and I sensed what I wanted wasn’t going to be His choice. So I struggled with releasing control. Ever been there?
For God’s peace to rule, I have to trust who God is. I have to believe He is who He says He is, and that He really does ~ always ~ work for my best. Exodus 34:6 says, ‘…”The Lord — the Lord is a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger and abounding in faithful love and truth.” Isaiah 43:1-3a says, “Now this is what the Lord says — the one who created you, Jacob, and the one who formed you, Israel — ‘Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are mine. I will be with you when you pass through the waters, and when you pass through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you. You will not be scorched when you walk through the fire; and the flame will not burn you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy one of Israel, and your Savior.'”
God declares in those verses that He is the One to save me. Every time I need Him, He is available and He is more than able to be my Savior. He doesn’t like it when I’m grumpy and disobedient, and He remains compassionate and gracious toward me because that is who He is. I don’t need to be afraid that He’s going to reject me, turn me away, or yell at me for being such a mess. He is my Redeemer. He has called me by my name; I belong to Him.
God was faithful to me throughout the long days of January. He did His part to get my attention, to remind me of truth, so that I could be at peace. January was long because I was unwilling to humble myself and accept Gods complete rule so that peace could reign. February began with rain, but the clouds that were hovering in my heart are being lifted. I’m focusing my eyes and my obedience on the truth of who God is. He is my Redeemer. I am His, and He is mine. He is full of compassion toward me and He is exceedingly gracious. He loves me and I am choosing to allow His peace to rule.
