I’m not a Maid
I woke this morning tired. I had a good night’s sleep, but I felt “draggy” as I sat down to begin my day with Jesus. Jesus and I have been spending some time recently in the book of Romans. Our church is being challenged to read through Romans as our pastor preaches a summer sermon series on the book. I read a passage in Romans 6: I made notes; I read cross-reference verses; I read the passage in different versions. Then I began my daily process of reflecting and processing to decipher what God was saying to me for the day. This is what I wrote down: “It all seems like just theology today.”
I wasn’t connecting to the Word like I do most mornings. I could chalk it up to just feeling tired. I could’ve poured another cup of coffee and let it go. Instead I began to journal all those random thoughts that were rambling through my head. As I scribbled ideas down, I began to realize some issues I had with the word “servant.” I’ve heard the concept that we are to be servants of God for a quite a while now; it’s not a new concept. I’ve been taught that it’s more than just being a servant, it’s being a “bond slave.” My life is not my own, I am purchased by the blood of Jesus and I am commanded to follow His decrees. (hmmm… there’s that theology popping up again.) This morning, the whole concept of being a servant just seemed so lowly, like someone was using and possibly abusing me.
I admit, I’ve been binging on Downton Abby, perhaps that’s where some of my issues were coming. Every time I read the word “servant,” I saw the scullery maid slaving in the kitchen, or a maid cleaning out the fireplace (Cinderella came to mind as well I must admit…). My inner diva stepped forward and stated she wanted to be one of the daughters in their fancy clothes, eating the fancy meal at the fancy table. I saw my selfishness, and realized a part of me wanted to be the “master of my own fate.” Even as I wrote that exact phrase in my journal I felt I needed to run to the altar at church and begin confessing my sin! I tried to rationalize my feelings by clarifying my thoughts with the idea that I at least wanted some control over my day-to-day doings. I felt I should give even more safe parameters to my rebellious contemplations so I journaled: “I love Jesus. I want to honor Him and I don’t want to be a scullery maid — stuck doing menial tasks while it seems others are living a larger life.”
God is so faithful. He began to speak as I continued to process on paper through all those defiant ruminations. I sensed God asking me: When have you ever just been relegated to the kitchen; when have you ever not been allowed run of my house, my presence? When have you even not been welcomed and treated as my precious daughter? When have you ever not been allowed to express to me what you want to do? When have I ever forced you to live in such a way that you have not felt my acceptance and my love– that I value you and what you do to honor me completely?
As God spoke, I recognized that I had fallen into the trap of comparing myself to others. I viewed someone else’s life as “more than,” even though I didn’t have a clear picture of what her life is truly like. I looked back over the passage in Romans 6 and the notes I had made. I knew that my heart desperately didn’t want to live a life where I am ashamed of what I’ve done. I most assuredly want to live “deeper into the experience of true holiness.” (Romans 6:22 TPT) My heart humbled before Almighty God and I journaled my inner cry: “I want to know Jesus better and live in such a way that He is pleased and delighted with me. I want my ‘mindset to be one of life and peace.’ (Romans 8:6)”
Truth: being a servant to a Holy God is not a job or a social level title. It is a commitment, a covenant, made in the humble awareness that God and I are not equal, and He treats me as if I am worthy to be so. Being a servant is an attitude where I am focused on enhancing the name and honor of my Master, the Lord of the House. As a servant, I work to achieve the promotion of and effective running of the Sovereign’s kingdom. Everything is about the Honor of the Master, Jesus.
The Lord I serve is so generous. He allows me full run of the house, His kingdom. I’m welcomed to always dine with Him. He treats me to outings with Him where I enjoy His presence and His conversation. He intertwines His daily life with mine so that I’m not just left with a list of tasks to be done. He joins me in everything He asks me to do! As I serve Him, I experience more completely, with greater depth and intimacy, the wonder of who He really is and all that He is about. Now that is some amazing theology.
Oh my gracious!! You covered it all. This is so raw and real, like only one who walks with the Lord would understand or grasp… I love how you journaled and listened to seek perspective that would honor the Father. Just precious! Thank you.
Thank you for your kind words! It's precious to know that my journey affects someone else to love Jesus more!