Patience over Power

I found myself in a conversation last week that made me feel uncomfortable.  The other person wasn’t attacking me or saying anything exceptionally crude; I felt an unsettling attitude behind the words being spoken.  I sensed defensiveness, some anger and a lot of “I want to be right.”  I didn’t want to continue the conversation.  I value the other person deeply and I believe the other person values me as well.  Still, I felt bullied, though I am convinced that was not the other person’s intent.  

The conversation came to mind the following morning as I read the designated passage for my quiet time.  Proverbs 16:32 says, “Better to be patient than powerful; better to have self-control than to conquer a city.” (NLT)  I wondered if I have made others feel as I had felt: bullied, unheard, someone to vomit on without regard for their opinion or feelings. I’m sure I have. I’m sure I’ve treated my spouse in such a way when I am overwhelmed and agitated. I suspect my friends have wondered at times what’s really going on inside of me as I’ve unloaded. I understand that there are moments we need to voice our frustrations and all the mess that is associated with our less-than-pleasant emotions.  I am aware of the benefits of “getting it all out.”  And I can’t help but be convinced I’ve hurt someone in the process because it sounds like I’m bashing them instead of just verbally cleansing my system.  

The verse in Proverbs gave me pause.  I noticed several key ideas

• Patience is valued.  Waiting and biding time is a plus.

• Power is not always the answer, nor is obtaining “the best position.”

• Controlling one’s emotions or one’s spirit is valuable.

• Controlling one’s emotions or one’s spirit is better than winning the battle at any cost.

As I looked over those key ideas I was reminded of something my husband says to me periodically: You don’t always have to say what you are thinking.  It’s been a lesson I’ve found hard to learn.  At times, my words are so desperate to be released; they clamor ever louder in my mind daring me to spit them out. The lie that I  will feel better when my ideas are set free is hard to silence.  I forget I am often left with a relational mess to clean up after my words have viciously tumbled out.  Winning really isn’t everything.  My value isn’t determined by the arguments I win, or the conversations I think I control.    

The proverb is timely wisdom for me as I’m scheduled to head back to work after spending 7 weeks caring for my elderly mother.  I’m not in control at my job.  I’m a happy “the buck  doesn’t stop with me” employee.  And yet I know that I like things done a certain way; I feel frustrated when I sense others are doing what I determine to be a slip-shod job.  God whispered to my soul to be  patient, with others and with myself, as I venture back to my routine.  He reminded me that I am to be representing Jesus in everything I do and everything I say.  Christ is the real power in my life, and His power is what I want to lean into.  God reminded me to listen, really hear the heart of those around me. He reassured me with the truth that my value doesn’t come from my job, God alone determines my value and He loves me overwhelmingly.  He told me to work in such a way as to honor Him and give Him pleasure, releasing my desire to control how others behave.  He told me to stop judging others by how they work, or don’t work, in my opinion.  He brought back to mind the conversation I had previously endured.  I put the faces of my co-workers in my place and I knew I didn’t want to treat them in such a way. 

I admit this challenge from God felt overwhelming. My selfishness reared her annoyed head at the idea of continually  choosing to put myself aside and consider others so intensely.  God’s Spirit redirected me back to the Proverb: be patient.  I sensed His sweet Spirit reminding me I needed to be as patient with myself and the learning curve, as much as I needed to exhibit patience with others. Again, He whispered His love and acceptance of  me, He reminded me of His grace. He opened my heart to the truth that Proverbs 16:32 is manageable because I have Jesus.  He has poured His grace on me.  He pours so much grace on me that it overflows; I know I have more than enough to extend grace to others. I stand in grace, and I can be patient, my sinful nature can be held in check as I fix my eyes on the one who has all the power.  

To Him be all the glory.