The Beautiful Blessing Found in Asking for Help
I’m curious. Do you find it easy to ask for help? I recently became very aware of my own hesitancy. I’m concerned with inconveniencing someone too much. At other times I’m fearful I will appear incompetent. I don’t like appearing needy or unable to figure things out on my own.
I find asking for help in certain circumstances simple. If an object is on a high shelf, this short girl doesn’t hesitate to beg for assistance. When I’m asked to lift, move or carry a heavy object, I quickly state my inability. If the task at hand is electronically technical, I have no problem declaring my lack of knowledge.
Facing My Self
I recently came face to face with my reticence toward asking for help as I laid in a bed in the emergency room. The kind nurse gave me morphine and I was no longer captive to my abdominal pain. Instead, as I glanced at my sweet Pastor husband who was no longer in his nice warm bed, but sitting on a hard cold chair, I was held by guilt.
Consequently, my mind began scrolling through incriminating phrases. Couldn’t you wait till morning? He’ll be tired for days now. Experts say you never really catch up on your sleep. Was your pain really that bad? Why are you so selfish?
The Problem of Pride
My sweet Pastor husband never suggested he was unwilling to help me in my time of need. He didn’t even consider for a moment, not helping me. He was concerned, supportive and willing to do whatever I needed. Since I clearly saw my sweet Pastor husband was very willing to help me, I had to admit my problem was pride.
I’ve been a believer in Jesus my whole life. I was raised in a Christian home, and though I experienced rebellion, I never wandered far. The truths taught to me as a young child truly stayed with me, and influenced my choices.
As a child, I was taught to be a “good girl.” I have realized my good-girl-filter has caused me to misinterpret scripture at times. Instead of seeking God, I have often pridefully sought to be the appearance of a good Christian.
Misinterpreting Truth
For example, sometimes when I read in Romans 12:1 “be a living sacrifice,” I think I must just do what needs to be done. I refuse to account for how I feel, or my level of physical and/or emotional strength in the moment. I forget to consider verses two and beyond that tell me I’m part of a body of believers all working together, supporting and helping each other.
In addition, I’ve taken the challenge in Galatians 6:5 to carry one’s own load to an unhealthy extreme. I don’t include in my thought process the surrounding verses discussing how we are to carry one another’s burdens. My pride influences me to believe allowing someone to carry my burden is only for the desperately needy.
Furthermore, I tend to view asking for help through the lens of Philippians 2:4. I take to heart I am to not look out for my own interests, but instead favor others. I forget to acknowledge verse 3 tells me not to do anything out of selfish ambition or conceit. Too many times, I have conceitedly believed I didn’t need help, and that choice didn’t favor anyone.
Pride leads us to assume we can do everything on our own.
Designed for Community
God never intended for us to be without help. In the beginning He created Eve because it wasn’t good for Adam to be alone. When you read the Mosaic law, you determine it often deals with community not just the individual. Jesus talked about bringing two different sheep herds together in one flock (John 10:16). Plus, Luke describes the early church as having everything in common (Acts 4:32). Additionally, Paul often describes the church as Christ’s body, many parts functioning as one (Romans 12, 1 Corinthians 12, Ephesians, Colossians 1).
The Problem with Pride
“People may be right in their own eyes, but the Lord examines the heart. The Lord is more pleased when we do what is right and just than when we offer him sacrifices. Haughty eyes, a proud heart, and evil actions are all sin.”
Proverbs 21:2-4 NLT
Solomon reminds us no matter how we rationalize behaviors in our head, God is inspecting our motives. For instance, the night of my ER adventure, I rationalized for a length of time not waking my sweet Pastor husband. However, the pain got the best of me, and he heard my whimpering. I was needy. When I don’t acknowledge the truth that I can’t do life alone, I am full of pride. Solomon calls pride sin.
Solomon also clarifies that sacrificing just for the sake of sacrificing is not pleasing to God. Whenever we “pull up our big girl panties” and suffer through a difficult circumstance like an whining martyr, we aren’t pleasing God. While we may still need to pull up our big girl panties, we don’t have to go it alone. God’s Word calls us to live in community.
Accepting our Need
Allow me to present some simple logic. If there are helpers, then someone must need to be helped. The percentage of any of us always helping and never needing help is low. Whereas sometimes we are privileged and blessed to help someone, other times we are the ones in need. Moreover, if we refuse to ask for help, we deprive someone of the blessing received by being the helper.
God graciously granted me questions to ask myself.
- What do I need?
- Am I willing to admit I can’t do it alone? If not, why not?
- Am I willing to believe God values me, even when I ask for help?
- Do I see the gifts, abilities and wisdom God has given to others, and honor them with value?
- Am I willing to be humble with a teachable and gracious spirit?
The Blessing of Need
I admit, asking for help will probably never come easy for me. I have a strong independent streak. Despite this, I’m grateful God is patient as He teaches me to live with humility. That night in the emergency room, I was reminded how deeply my sweet Pastor husband loves me. I was gifted a visible reminder he remains with me, by me and for me ~always.
Allow me to repeat my initial question. Do you find it easy to ask for help? God wants to remove our pride and fill us with humility. We are all needy people. It’s why Jesus came, it’s why He died for us, it’s why He gifted us the Holy Spirit. It’s time for us to acknowledge our need and experience the good gifts God gives when we ask for help.
Help Wanted Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash
