How to Manage Unmet Expectations in Four Simple Steps

Yesterday, I stood at the pulpit of our church instead of my sweet Pastor husband. It’s a tradition we’ve held for so long, I can’t remember when it started. I receive the privilege and opportunity to talk with Moms and share what God has laid on my heart. Today’s blog is a condensed version of that sermon. If you’d like to listen to the full sermon, you can go to https://www.ontariofirst.org/, click first on Tools for Spiritual Growth, and then Archived Worship Services.

Expectations are Normal

We all hold expectations as part of the human experience; they are a normal part of everyday life. One writer described expectations as “the lenses that we wear that color everything we see.” We entertain many realistic expectations. We presume events and behaviors that are logical, based on our experience, and truth.

For example, we expect to be paid for the hours we work. In addition, we assume stores will provide the products we have purchased before. I’ve recently discovered I still expect Amazon Prime to live up to their outdated two-day delivery promise.

However, each of us also expects things without valid reason. As a result, we become frustrated and/or disappointed. We discover there is a gap between the reality we are living, and the way we perceive things should be.

Expectations and Behavior

My understanding and my expectations are different now as I’ve grown in my relationship with Jesus. Certainly, I maintain some of the same behavior expectations. However, God is teaching me to lean more into delighting Him, than focusing on “right” behavior.

We all gain pictures and ideas from the world that taunt us with idealized expectations. We acquire an image of how life should be through social media, the news, television shows, movies, magazines, and books. Many times, without even realizing it, we get trapped by these idyllic ideas of a good life. Moreover, we build our hopes for our children on those same skewed concepts.

The Israelites and Expectations

God provides instruction on how to manage our skewed expectations in His Word. He provided a 4-step plan for the Israelites when He rescued them from the Egyptians.

From the moment Moses and Aaron shared God’s plan with the Israelites, they assumed expectations. Each one had an idea in his or her head of how God would actually accomplish what He said He would do.

As the Israelites journeyed through the plagues, and then gained their freedom, their expectations raised and lowered, altered, and adjusted. I find it fascinating to read the Exodus story and pause periodically to imagine what their expectations might have looked like.

Expectations at the Red Sea

At the beginning of Exodus 14, the Israelites are in the wilderness and approaching the Red Sea. God instructs them to camp by the sea because He has a plan to punish the Egyptians and gain glory for His name.

For a moment, imagine their expectations in regard to God’s plan. I imagine they think God is going to do something cool like He did with the plagues. In my head, God will zap the Egyptians, while the Israelites recline by the Sea and watch all the action.

Pharaoh chases after the Israelites, but God doesn’t immediately intervene as they probably presumed. In Exodus 14: 10, we read the Israelites cried out to the Lord, which is exactly how one should manage unmet expectations. However, things turned sour in the next two verses.

The Israelites passed blame. They vented and dumped all their fear and unmet expectations on Moses. They expressed pure emotion, and no trust in God, the One who had just proven Himself to them in a noticeably big way.

The Key to Managing Unmet Expectations

Exodus 14:13-14 holds the key to helping us manage our unmet expectations. In these two verses, Moses informs the Israelites what their approach should be when life isn’t going as they hoped. He provides four steps.

Step 1: Don’t Fear

When we encounter unmet expectations, when life doesn’t go as we planned, we must first eliminate fear. To eliminate fear, we must release our expectations, whatever that may be. As we release expectation, we are also able to release worry and anxiety since they are closely associated with our expectation.

I’ve realized in my own life; I must identify my expectations and what I’m truly afraid of. I often discover my fears are irrational or attached to an idealized expectation that I never needed to hold in the first place.

For example, I remember being afraid my son didn’t have any friends. I worried he was the kid always sitting alone at the lunch table. I held an expectation that his social life would look exactly how I wanted my social life to look like when I was in junior and senior high school. The truth is, he didn’t care about what I cared about.

Sometimes we experience valid fears. We anticipate our children will be safe, and there are moments we realize they are someplace not safe. In those moments, to overcome our fear, we must humble ourselves before God, remembering He is sovereign. We must release our specific expectation and choose to trust who God is.

Step 2: Stand Firm

We release our fear, and then fill the gap that remains by standing firm in God’s truth.

John tells us in his gospel the words of Jesus, “… you will have suffering in this world. Be courageous! I have conquered the world.” (John 16:33)

Paul tells us in Ephesians 6 “…be strengthened by the Lord and by his vast strength. Put on the full armor of God so that you can stand against the schemes of the devil…stand, therefore with truth like a belt around your waist, righteousness like armor on your chest, and your feet sandaled with readiness for the gospel of peace. In every situation take up the shield of faith with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.” (Ephesians 6:10-17)

Step Three: Watch for God’s Movement

Moses specifically told the Israelites “…see the salvation of the LORD that he will provide for you today.” We can’t claim the specific promise immediate rescue, but we know that God will show up in His perfect timing.

Throughout the entire Bible, God provides a way for man to have a relationship with Him. God continually works and moves so we can experience life with Him, in His presence, with Him as our Sovereign King. God will show up.

In the story of the Israelites and the approaching Egyptians, God commanded the Israelites to go toward the water. You must understand, the Red Sea wasn’t a little brook, and there were a lot of people to get across. However, God had a plan. God showed up for the Israelites in several ways.

• The angel of the Lord moved between the Egyptians and the Israelites for protection
• God moved His cloud between the Egyptians and the Israelites; He kept the Egyptians in the dark, while giving the Israelites light
• God showed up in a strong east wind that drove the sea back and created dry ground for the Israelites to cross the river.
• God caused the wheels of the Egyptian’s chariots to come off
• God swept the Egyptians into the sea and none of them survived.

The God who saved the Israelites is the same God who sent Jesus to die in our place. He’s the same God who raised Jesus from the dead and gives us the Holy Spirit when we surrender our lives to Him. We worship and serve the same God who rescued the Israelites in a magnificent way.

Step Four: Remain Calm

In Exodus 14:14, Moses tells the Israelites to be still. The NASB and the ESV declare “keep silent.” The New Living Translation uses the wording “stay calm.” The Amplified writes “keep silent and remain calm.” In addition, the Message bluntly states, “keep your mouths shut.”

We learn a basic idea from these simple phrases. Don’t freak out; don’t question what God is doing, be obedient and wait. We must allow God to be God in all His sovereignty.

The Israelites struggled to remain calm. They were whiners and complainers, as we all are when our expectations are unmet. Yet before they ever entered the wilderness, God graciously gave them a set of instructions. If the Israelites had followed God’s instructions, they wouldn’t have been afraid of God’s presence on Mount Sinai, they would have never asked for a golden calf, and they wouldn’t have wandered for forty years.

Trust God with your Expectations

We serve the same God who rescued the Israelites. He wants to journey with you and me, providing all we need to dwell with Him. Don’t be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance of the Lord. The Lord Himself will fight for you; you need only to remainB calm.

Balloon Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash