Five Powerful Life Lessons from Memories of My Mom
Fall has been my favorite time of year for as long as I can remember. I love the chill in the air and the change of the leaves. I wonder in awe as the trees change from green, green, green to yellow, red, orange and rust.
Fall is now bittersweet; it is forever linked with saying goodbye to my mom.
Saying Goodbye
Last year I spent 7 weeks caring for my sweet little mama. She was scheduled to endure three rounds of chemo to help slow her colon cancer. She managed two rounds before the side effects were too much for her 92-year-old body.
I look back on those days with a mixture of gratitude and regret. God gave me an amazing gift that I didn’t know to ask for. He wrapped up memories for me to have and gave it to me on a silver platter. In the middle of experiencing those days, I didn’t realize the present Jesus was offering me because my emotions left me distracted and overwhelmed.
My precious mother passed away on November 9, 2020, and there are days I am still adapting to life without her. As I watch the leaves change color and cling to the tree branch for as long as they are able, I long for one more season with my mom. Somewhere in the recesses of my mind I imagine the clock turning back and I receive the gift of another day.
As moms do, my mom has taught me lessons even though I can’t physically hear her. Good moms are like that. They speak what our hearts need to hear even when their speech is the tenacious voice we hear in our heads. God has helped me see five lessons from my sweet little mama’s life.
Lesson 1: Serving others gives you a purpose that gets you up every day.
In those weeks spent with my mom, she often talked about things she thought she needed to do. She would mention someone she believed she needed to visit, or a friend she felt compelled to call. She was tired and not feeling well and those conversations were more wishful thinking than anything else.
Months later when I would sense a compelling to connect with someone, I saw my mom in my imagination going from person to person at church. It’s something I witnessed her doing repeatedly before she took sick. She remembered what each friend was going through in his or her life, and she wanted to touch base with them, reassuring them of her prayers.
Even when questions, uncertainty and deep physical pain filled her life, my mother was concerned with those in her circle of influence. She genuinely believed, for as long as God gave her breath, she needed to give encouragement and life to others.
Lesson 2: We can wish for things we know will never happen, and God meets you in the middle of the wish with His presence.
I’ve wished many times over the last twelve months to have a repeat of those 7 weeks. I want to utter the words “I love you” more times than I did. My heart wishes I could have another chance to be more intentionally tender, opening a doorway for my mom to step away from the need to always be strong. I long to submit more willingly to God’s call to be a servant and be less concerned about how it was all affecting me, and how I was struggling with the curve ball life had thrown into the game.
God has generously stepped into the middle of my grief and reminded me over and over what a gift my mom was throughout my entire life. He has offered me grace to cover my selfish sinfulness and brought a picture to mind of my mom reading His Word every morning. Even during her final struggle, Christ was her encouragement, her strength, and her portion. That image has sent me to the feet of Jesus this past year.
Lesson 3: You must remember the good.
Sometimes grief lasts longer than you imagine, or past the point you think it should, it’s just how it is. On those days that have been particularly difficult, God’s Spirit has agreed with mine that’s it hard to lose someone who has been so good to you.
As I travelled through memories, my mother has strengthened and blessed me all over again. Her tenderness and love filled my life. She was always willing to listen and encourage and I know she prayed for me every day of my life. God gave me a mom who was an anchor and a true woman of God.
Even though good memories of my mom can be painful, they whisper of a greater good. Scripture says that every good gift comes from God, and Ewhen I reminisce through treasured moments with my mom, God’s goodness to me becomes prominent. My mom would be delighted and grateful that my heart sees God’s goodness more when I remember her.
“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”
James 1:17 CSB
Lesson 4: Who we are influences others whether we intend for it or not.
My sister and I have had conversations this past year detailing how we notice similarities in ourselves to our mom. Some of what we see are habits and reactions that she didn’t intentionally set out to teach us, but we learned them all the same.
Both of us learned when life gets tough, pull up your big girl panties and deal with it. Complaining isn’t necessary, get on with it. A cup of tea or coffee makes things better. Write thank you notes – always. Listen to others, meet them in the middle of their need. Pay your tithe and then give more; give generously in the name of Jesus. Pray, and then pray some more. Read every day. Share the books you read with someone else, encourage them to read every day too.
My sweet little mama wasn’t perfect. She could be powerfully stubborn, and distinctly set in her ways, just like me. She had her unique manipulative ways that made my siblings and I roll our eyes. And she left a legacy of how to love Jesus. She lived her journey always learning, growing, and changing to reflect Jesus more. I want to be like my mom.
Lesson 5: There’s always more to learn.
During the seven weeks I was with my mom, she signed us up to participate in a series of classes sponsored by her church. Every Tuesday night we logged into a zoom meeting and participated in a discussion on an aspect of theology. I will forever treasure a couple of the conversations we had after the class when my mom admitted what the group discussed was over her head. I felt so relieved because I had felt so lost!
My mom knew God was big and beyond her comprehension. And she knew He had provided His Word along with opportunities to study and discuss and gain understanding. She wanted to know Christ, so she set herself in positions to learn.
For years, my mom had a table set up in the corner of her dining room covered with different Bible translations and study books. It’s where she sat and prepared for the weekly Bible Study she led. She researched scripture from all sorts of angles seeking to gain understanding and knowledge.
My mom could’ve easily gotten by with the wisdom she had gained from living to be over ninety. She had been in church her entire life and had studied the stories and listened to sermons countless times. And she recognized there was more; she longed for God to reveal Himself fresh and new.
God has graciously revealed His glory to my mom; she’s seeing the Father face-to-face. I wonder if her learning is complete or if she continues to learn something new about the marvelousness of God as she revels in His presence. Someday, I’ll know, but until then, there’s still so much to learn.
Living in the Years of Grief
The years 2020 and 2021 are etched on my heart as the years of grief. I’ve experienced grief before, but this season has stretched far too long. Yet, I am grateful for the gifts I’ve received from the hand of a good, good Father. I am thankful my mom’s voice is the one I hear in my head, even when I’m not thrilled with what I hear her saying. She continues to be a treasure in my life.
I don’t know if you’ve recently lost someone or something you treasured. Perhaps a dream died, or you had to make an unwanted move, or you lost a relationship, or you’re living with too many what ifs, or you’re dealing with the harsh reality of an empty nest, or . . . the scenarios are endless. Remember: God is good, and God is with you. Anchor those two truths in your soul and look for the lessons He’s waiting to reveal. I’m praying for you.
Autumn Leaves Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash
What a wonderful testament to God’s faithfulness and Pat’s legacy. Pat taught me many things and she is missed.
Thank you so much Karen! My mom loved hearing from you and prayed for you faithfully. ❤
First of all, I must say I never saw your mom in jeans until the picture you posted. It’s good to know your mom could be comfortable. My mom appreciated your moms calls or letters through the years. I loved her yearly Christmas cards & quick updates. It’s so cool you two did those Tuesday night classes together. Such a gift for you & it was for your mom as well. Love ya! ❤️
Admittedly, I was annoyed with my mom when she told me she signed us both up… and it really was a gift. 🥰
My Dear Sweet Sister,
Yes, it has been a hard year…survival has only come because of the road our Mom taught and modeled us to take – walk with Jesus and it will be okay. As I write that tears are running down my face…I still miss her so much.
I chuckled as you mentioned Mom’s Bible study corner/table. I am getting ready to map out a series of Bible studies for the young ladies on campus for the spring semester….you never can have too much information when it comes to preparation for teaching God’s word. Just pray that I can do it as well as Mom would do.
Love you….hang in there. Big Hugs!!
Beth
Bug hugs right back at ya sis-tah! ❤❤
Nancy, today is the day. A day of remembering when your sweet mama went home to Jesus. Your description of her was one of someone who was faithful to the end and loved her Jesus and family very much. I’m thinking of you today and pray Jesus will give you another gift of something special just for today.
Karen D
Dearest Karen, simply “thank you.”