Two Simple Principles when Facing the Person in the Mirror

I work part-time at an off-price department store. I’m scheduled approximately 15 hours a week and I typically work in the morning. I have shifts when I work into the afternoon, but I haven’t worked evenings for more than 18 months. Until recently.

I checked my upcoming schedule the other evening and I was flabbergasted to discover that I have a 4pm to 10pm shift. I was shocked! My mind began to race with how unfair it was and I wondered how they could treat me this way. I was quickly moving from “upset” to “angry.”

Dealing with a Mix of Emotions

When I went to bed that night my emotions were still leaning toward rampage. I slowed my thoughts down by breathing in truth: God is with me, always; God values me; as a follower of Christ, the Holy Spirit enables me to be gentle, kind, and helpful; God calls me to be His ambassador and represent Him well.

Next, I began the process of determining what I was holding onto that I needed to release. I was frustrated that the schedule was different, and I felt the loss of control over my evenings in general. My expectation was I would work earlier in the day, and not be called on to help in times inconvenient to me.

Facing Myself

God opened my eyes to an incorrect perception of myself. I saw myself as better than some of the others I worked with. I am older than many of the other employees, and I began to believe my more mature perspective provided me rights I didn’t deserve. For some reason, I thought if the tasks and schedule I wanted the most were not given to me, I must not be valued as much as someone else.

I repeated the breathe-and-release process. I set my mind to breathe in the attitude of working for Christ (Colossians 3:23-24) and working with a heart of gratitude (1 Thessalonians 5:18). I struggled to release my fear of not being valued and admired.

Like Me, Please

I long for others to like and admire me. It motivates me to do all sorts of things which I don’t need to detail here. When others reassure me of my significance to them, I feel better about me, as if my value is always in question and needs affirmation. It’s not the best place to live.

Proverbs’ Wisdom

The whole twenty-seventh chapter of Proverbs is all about relationships. The various proverbs deal with how we see ourselves, how we see others, and how we live in community. The verse that gets me though is verse twenty-one.

“Fire tests the purity of silver and gold, but a person is tested by being praised.”

Proverbs 27:21

Proverbs 27:21 causes me to do a double-take. In a blog entry from 2013 entitled “Being a Winner” I wrote, “I thought praise was a grand thing! That little special something that tells me I’m doing what I should be doing. I’m on the right track. I’m using the gifts God gave me. I’m a winner!”

The wisdom in Proverbs contradicts my subtle search for a complementary pat on the back. The truth is, no matter how much I want the opposite to be true, life is not all about me. Sadly, neither is it all about you.

Praise as Motivation

Praise has a way of prodding us to think we are someone special, someone of immense value. Because of our longing to be perceived as someone of significance we act in certain ways, or carefully phrase our words, so that others will compliment us, congratulate us, or admire us.

Have you ever had someone over for dinner and felt the meal was lacking? As you sit down at the table, you say something like, “I’m sorry the meat is a bit charred” or “I tried a new recipe, I hope it tastes good” all in hopes of getting some sort of compliment or statement of praise.

Have you ever put together a project and liked what you did, but were uncertain of the response from others? When you present your idea, you use phrases like, “I hope you like this part” or “this may seem a little out there” or “this may not be everyone’s cup of tea.”

I’m convinced we are not always cognizant of our need for affirmation in these circumstances. We are aware we feel nervous or uncertain, but I think we tend to rationalize it as wanting the other person to feel comfortable more than ourselves. Somehow, without direct intention, we move the circumstance to be about us, not the relationship we are building around the table, or the project we are enthusiastic about.

Principles to Live By

Let me go back to my work schedule. I needed to see myself honestly and with humility. I do bring something to the table. I have experience, a strong work ethic, and a delightful positive attitude. But if I make it all about me, I come across as the one who can do it all and do it better than everyone else. And that’s just not true. Humility demands that I set my self aside and serve others willingly.

I also needed to see others with wisdom, identifying their strengths and admirable qualities. Whether they do the job differently than me or not, I am to value and treat others as cherished creations of the King of kings.

I’m scheduled for one evening work shift, there’s no need to get my panties in a wad. I’m sure on the day of my evening shift, I’ll be breathing in the truth of Colossians 3:23-24 and 1 Thessalonians 5:18. I’ll go through the process again of releasing my frustration and unmet expectations. God’s Spirit will empower me to be honest with myself and by His grace alone will I be able to work my shift in humility. I believe He will enable me to see others with His wisdom, and He will grant me eyes to see their God-given value. He’s a good God.

A Prayer for You

I don’t know what kink is being thrown into your daily schedule. It could be minor like mine, or you could be living through dark days. I hope you will allow God’s sweet Holy Spirit to help you see yourself honestly and with humility. I trust you will rely on His presence to grant you wisdom to see those around you with His eyes, His love, and His grace.